Thursday, March 22, 2012

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

Today...well yesterday, I got my hair cut.  Woot Woot!  It's super short in the back and long in the front.  If you see me coming atcha, you'd think I just got my hair trimmed in the front.  That's what Pastor Jolene said when I saw her with Mom today out at Devil Mart.

Cool things though, I got my copy of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo and a few others.  The Dark Crystal, The Birdcage, and one I've been dying to own because it's about mad people like me or worse and the great Jack Nicholson stars in it, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest!  Murder and Sex Abuse, Fantasy, Drag Queens, and the Insane.  Think I'll have an interesting weekend of movie watching starting tonight.  LOL

Oh, I'll be dying my hair too.  So there won't be fancy pictures, just ones that I usually pose for in the bathroom.  Ooooo....that sounded dirty.  I have a dirty mind.

So I'm spending a lot of time thinking and reflecting my life,  And I've come to a conclusion that the events I experienced happened to create the woman the I am today.  I don't like saying "woman" because my mind is young and I like saying "girl" better.  No attachments to the male of the species. *winks*  Saying that would make me a feminist.  OOooppps!  Sorry gentlemen.  I have only come across a good few of you and most of you are gay.  What does that say?

Anyway, I've been thinking about my life, in plain words, and what's happened to bring me here today, right now, sitting in my undies at the kitchen table with a cigarette hanging from my mouth (Mom would be appalled at the sight I just mentioned.)  One, I need to quit that filthy habit.  I may call myself a Filthy Victorian, but that doesn't include smoking.  Well the whole cigarette thing is a writers thing.  I smoke more now than I ever did before I quit two years ago.  Yeah, you read that right.  I quit for two years.  I started back up because I was going out with Mary Mary Quite Contrary to Dingers every weekend and started bumming cigarettes after I had a few drinks in me,  Oooops!  I actually do my most writing in the computer room and not on the mini lappy.  (Netbook).  In fact, I just got the mini lappy back from Mom a few days ago.

But yeah, as I was saying, the boys teasing me in school, all my entire school life.  From Preschool to my Senior Year.  (The following names have been changed to save my ass)  First there was Timmy.  He lived down the street from me.  The very first day I rode a bus by myself, without Mom or Dad there,   He made fun of my clothes (my mom sewed my clothes.) and pulled my hair.  OH now of course I KNOW he was flirting with me.  Well that's what my Mom told me he was doing.  Huh.  Flirting, right.  My entire elementary school life was being "flirted" with by Timmy and Donny, George, Johnny, Gary, Lee, Chris. Travis.  And that was just elementary school.  Third Ward to be exact.  Sounds like a floor name in an asylum.  Hee hee hee

You know Johnny told me I had blow job lips.  What the FUCK?!  A fifth grader.  OH I KNOW todays kids are soooo much worse.  But that was back in the early '70s.  OMG...I just gave my age away!  Baby cakes, I stopped aging a long time ago.  *winks*  But yeah, he told me that and of course being that I was sheltered, I had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.  I didn't hear the word "Fuck" until fifth grade.

My parents are old fashioned and don't drop the "f bomb" like I do or perhaps you the reader, my friends, my best friend, my sister and cousin.  As my dad would say, "Hey I don't like hearing that kind of language."
Mom starting using it when I was a teenager.  She used it a lot on me.  She didn't hit me.  She verbally said things that a mother just doesn't say to their child.

But I'm not talking about my mom right now..  My mind is going a thousand miles per hour with thoughts.  I guess you already can tell that I'm manic.  See how I jump around the subjects?  My thoughts are racing and I can't type fast enough.  OH, and Trent is singing to me.  I love this song.  You know, that's something I've never been tested for.  ADD or ADHD.  They just say I'm Bipolar I w/ severe depression and rapid cycling.  I also am a Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer.  I suffer from anxiety attacks.  Let me tell you, they are NOT a laughing matter.  I once worked with this girl who had agoraphobia and couldn't drive over to DuBois or any great distance away from her house.  She would have these anxiety attacks or panic attacks while she was driving away from her house.  I've had anxiety attacks while driving and I've had to have Levi (ex friend that I will use his name) drive the car while my meds kicked it.  Fuckin' scary ass shit.

Uh oh.  Meds just kicked in.  You know what that means.  Yup!  Bedtime.  I'm already falling out.

Nightie night everyone.


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