The Victorian Asylum
Short Story
August 20, 1887
They buried Elizabeth's ashes yesterday and
only I was able to see it (because of my sneaking around the asylum)… Today was
bathing day. The girls on the right side of the ward (in plain words, the “ugly
girls”) were sent out to the backyard, stripped down to our under clothes
(camisoles and bloomers) and sprayed with hoses. The water was ice-cold, as
always (and worse in the wintertime). Whereas, the beautiful girls got better
arrangements, they got to sit in bathing tubs with warm water and used soap to wash
their skin and hair. We got nothing to clean our bodies with—just hosed down
and rushed back into the asylum.
After our morning hose down, it was
breakfast; and we all gathered in the dining room to wait for our “slop”. That’s
what we called it, because it wasn’t real food, it was just scraps of food put
together and made into a stew. The adults have a real dining room to eat in,
but because we’re just teenage girls, we get the privilege of eating on the floor
where we live.
Because I was the girls’ leader and
because I was one of the first inmates admitted to the asylum, I got served
first. We each got one spoon, one bowl, and a glass of water. I sat down in my
usual seat next to the window and waited for my friends to join me. Alice was
the first to sit next to me. She was my roommate.
“I hear we got a new girl coming
later today,” I told Alice as she sat down beside me.
“How do you get this information,
Heather? I mean, really, you’re always the first to hear everything,” Alice
said dipping her spoon into her bowl of slop.
“I’ll never tell,” I said.
“Is she going to be another
Ophelia?” Alice asked.
“That I don’t know.”
“What don’t you know, Heather?”
Nicole asked as she sat down across from me.
“I don’t know if the new girl is
going to be one of the Ophelias’.”
“We’re getting a new girl, so soon
after Elizabeth’s suicide?” Nicole asked. Elizabeth had been her roommate. She
didn’t find her body, but she did find her diary, which was now in my
possession.
Violet Thompson sat down and Angel
Willard joined her.
“Doesn’t surprise me.” Violet said,
“With insanity on the rise, we should probably have a ton of girls brought in
by the end of the month.”
“There’s always the women’s ward.
They come and go there all the time,” Angel said, as she pushed her bowl of
slop away from her. She usually never ate—which was one of the reasons why she
was here (that and because her family sold her to the asylum).
“Angel, you should try and eat
something. You’re as thin as a rail,” Violet said to her friend, with concern.
“I would rather die than to eat
that slop. My family was very poor but, we never ate slop. When I become of age and leave, I’ll be able to fit a corset
very nicely; and, by then, my hair will have grown back and I’ll be beautiful
again.” Angel’s head had been shaved, so her family could sell her beautiful
strawberry-blonde hair to a wig master.
All the girls were seated now—eating
and talking about the different things that they always talked about; they
didn’t care if the nurses and orderlies overheard them.
“So what do you know about the new
girl?” Angel asked me.
“I know she comes from a rich
family; and that she tried to commit suicide by drowning herself in the river
near her home.”
“Oh dear, so she truly is insane,”
Nicole said.
“Yes, but I bet she has a very good
reason for doing it. All those rich girls usually have a horrible life. I guess
we’ll find out soon enough. She’s supposed to be admitted here around
lunchtime,” I answered.
“Do you know who her roommate is
gonna be?” Alice asked.
“That all depends if she’s
beautiful or not. She’ll either be Nicole’s new roommate on the left wing or
Betsy Marion’s roommate on the right wing. Those are the only vacant beds
available,” I answered.
Betsy Marion heard her name being
mentioned and came over to our table. “What’s this about me?” She asked, as she
sat next to Angel.
“Heather heard we’re getting a new
girl, but she doesn’t know who she’ll room with. Do you have any idea?” Angel
told her.
“No, I don’t. Sorry,” Betsy said.
“Like I said—we’ll find out soon
enough,” I replied.
Breakfast was over and all of us
girls gathered up our bowls, glasses and spoons and put them on the cart as we
left the dining room. It was time for the good doctor to make his rounds and talk
to us individually…
It was a couple of hours later, after
lunch and I made my way back from the Doctor’s office to the girls’ ward.
That’s when I saw her. I thought I’d died and gone to Heaven. She was the most
beautiful girl I’d ever laid eyes on and she was being escorted towards Betsy’s
room on the side of the ward where the “ugly girls” lived. I didn’t understand
this. How could this beautiful creature be ugly? She had long, pin straight
blackish-brown hair and the prettiest blue eyes that could melt a grown man
away to nothing.
She saw me and smiled. I smiled
back. My heart melted and I immediately felt butterflies in my stomach. The
nurse, that was taking her to her room, told her my name, where my room was and
that Alice, who was standing in the hallway down by the end of the hall, was my
roommate.
They disappeared into Betsy’s room,
where I’m sure she was given the rules and regulations of the girls’ ward. The
nurse came out of the room several minutes later; and I waited. When it was a
long enough time to approach her—I did.
I walked across the hall to her and
Betsy’s room and knocked on the door.
“Come in,“ I heard Betsy say.
I opened the door and entered the
room. Betsy was sitting on her mattress, on the floor with the new girl.
“Hi, Betsy!” I said; and then
turned to the new girl. “Hi, I’m Heather McGregor. I’m pretty much the leader
of the girls here. If you need anything, just ask. I’m sure I can get it for
you.”
“I’m Eugenia Merryweather,” the new
girl said. “And right now, all I need is a drink of water. I’m so thirsty.”
“I can get that for you. Be right
back.”
I left the room and went to the
nurses’ station to get a drink of water for Eugenia. They were rude to me as
usual, but they gave me a glass of water. I went back down to their room and
knocked on the door again. Eugenia answered the door this time—and I handed her
the glass.
“Oh, thank you so much, Heather. I
really appreciate it.” Her voice was soft and rang like a bell.
“I don’t mean to be so nosey but,
why are you on this side of the ward and not the other side? I mean, you’re so
beautiful—you should be one of the Doctor’s ‘Ophelias’,” I said.
“I didn’t know there was a
difference. I think you’re beautiful too, Heather. Your red hair is truly
divine. I’m extremely jealous of your hair.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes, I’m completely honest about
that. And you can call me Gina.”
Betsy got up and left the room. We
never heard her leave.
“Not much gets by me; so, I know
you tried to commit suicide. Why did you try to drown yourself, if you don’t
mind me asking?”
Gina sighed and then she sat on her
mattress on the floor and patted it for me to sit beside her. “My father is a
pig, Heather. For years he’s been having his way with me and I didn’t know how
to get out of that house. So, I tried to drown myself. My mother didn’t believe
me when I told her about him. She’s the one who admitted me here. She said, and
I quote, ‘No daughter of mine is going to tell the world that her father has
been touching her.’ The thing is, Heather, he wasn’t just touching me, he was putting
his thing in me.”
“How awful! No wonder you tried to
kill yourself,” I told her.
“Yes, it was truly awful,” Gina
agreed. “I promise you, I will never let another man touch me again.”
I was afraid to tell her about our
orderlies but, I did. “Gina, there’s something you should know. The orderlies
around here like to make you suck them off.
It’s a good thing you’re on this side of the ward. If you were on the other side, they would
force themselves onto you and make you have sex with them.”
“Men are such pigs!” She said. “You
don’t hear of women doing such things with women in charge.”
“That I don’t know. The nurses here
don’t do anything to us girls, but I know they do something to the men on the
men’s ward,” I said to her.
“Are you serious?” She asked, with
sincerity.
“I'm as serious as a heart attack!
But, they don’t get pleasure from it. It’s the men that do. Like the sick
perverts like your father. They make the nurses rub them ‘til they squirt.” I
told her.
“Oh! That’s so disgusting!” Gina
said. “This place sounds horrible, Heather. I don’t want to be here.”
“Don’t worry, Gina. I’ve got your
back. I keep a close eye on all the girls. We lost one just a few days ago,
sadly. I had no idea that she was in the predicament she was in. She had
serious secrets that no one knew about.”
I couldn’t help but stare at Gina.
Her eyes had a way of giving me butterflies. I didn’t understand it. I wanted
to ask her if she felt that way too. That’s when she suddenly reached out and
moved a stray strand of hair away from my face. The butterflies fluttered more.
“Why are you here?” She asked me.
“I’ve been here since I was 12. I’m
17 now. My parents sold me to the asylum because they couldn’t afford to take
care of me (which was a lie). They told the doctor that I had frequent displays
of inappropriate anger. I’m Scottish and I’m a redhead. We’re known for our
tempers. My father had a huge temper. My brother and I got beatings every night
at one point or another. My brother would get them more than me. Then I would
stick up for my brother. He’s younger than me and it bothered me that Father
would beat him. I’d throw a huge temper tantrum and then, I’d get beaten.
Finally, when they moved away, they brought me here and sold me. I am the
asylum’s property. They can use me and keep me for as long as they see fit.”
“That’s terrible, Heather,” Gina
said.
Then, after a long pause, she said,
“So, what's on the schedule for the rest of the day?”
“Well, we had lunch already (the
food here is appalling, trust me when I say that, especially since you’re used
to having the best). In an hour—it’s group therapy with the doctor’s assistant,
Dr. Fell. That’s always fun.” I laughed. “Then, it’s private time in our rooms.
If you have a diary, that’s always the best time to write in it. That’s when
Elizabeth wrote in hers mostly. She kept that thing with her always, though. I think
she was so afraid of someone reading her secrets. It was those secrets that
ended up in her committing suicide.”
“This isn’t her bed is it?”
“No. Her room was on the other
wing. She shared her room with Nicole Edwards.”
“Thank Heavens! I would really be
freaked out to be in that room.”
I smiled. She smiled back at me.
Then we both laughed.
“I like you, Heather. You’re really
nice,” Gina said.
“Awww…thanks, Gina. You’re really
nice too. I promise to stay by your side as much as I can throughout your stay
here.”
“Promise?” she asked and reached
out and held my hand.
“I promise,” I promised her and
took her hand and held it to my heart. I stared into her eyes as she did the
same to me. My smile grew serious. The butterflies were fluttering all
throughout my body. I had this sudden feeling that I had to kiss her. She beat
me to it.
She kissed me on my lips and sat
back and giggled. I couldn’t believe it! I couldn’t believe that she really
kissed me. So, I kissed her back. She giggled even more and hugged me. I
returned the hug.
“What just happened?” I asked her.
“I kissed and hugged you, “she said
with more giggles. “I just had the sudden urge to do so. This has never
happened to me. But I feel like I have to kiss you and…”
Just then, Betsy came in and saw
the two of us wrapped in each other’s arms. She just shook her head and showed
us a pack of cards she brought back with her. We giggled and sat up and
straightened our tangled hair and clothes.
We three lovely ladies played a few
hands of card games until it was time for group therapy with Dr. Fell.
Therapy started out with the usual.
Dr. Jonathan Fell, a young chap of a fellow who truly loved his job, asked each
of us how our day was, so far. Now, let me tell you, this is an asylum and
there truly are insane girls here. One, I might mention, who thinks she’s a
witch incarnate. She was rather “witchy” today and proved to be noisy and
disruptive more than usual.
“Double, double toil and trouble.
Fire burn, and cauldron bubble,” Victoria quoted. “Spider’s legs and wart from
toad, this is my spell, so mote it be.”
“Victoria?” Dr. Fell called her.
“Yes, Medicine Man?” She answered.
“I know it’s important for you to
cast your spells but, you must let the other girls tell us how their day is so
far.”
“Oh, okay. If you say so,” Victoria
said and sat back down in the circle of chairs and tried to be quiet. Every
once in a while, she would mutter under her breath some kind of spell
ingredient or spell itself.
“We have a new addition to our
family,” Dr. Fell announced. “Girls, this is Eugenia Merryweather,” he
introduced.
Gina said ‘hello’ to everyone.
“So, tell us, Eugenia, how has your
day been so far?” Dr. Fell asked her.
“Well,” she started. “I met my roommate,
Betsy, and made a new close friend named Heather, so far.”
“Ah, yes, Heather—our star patient.
If you ever need anything, she’s the one to seek out,” he said.
“So I’ve been told. She’s a
wonderful gal, too; and she’s also a great card player,” she said and laughed.
I laughed with her. I had won all three hands of cards that we played.
Soon, group therapy was over and it
was private time in our rooms. I walked Gina back to her room while holding her
hand and lingered there as long as I could. That’s when Charles the orderly
caught me and sent me on my way. He was one of the decent orderlies.
I laid on my bed and thought of
Gina and how I felt when I was around her. Just thinking about those feelings
made me feel them all over again. I didn’t understand them. I got the intense
sensation of butterflies flying around my stomach and a tingling sensation when
she touched me. Like when she holds my hand. And even though they’re quick
kisses, her kisses made me feel exhilarated. And her laughing and giggling made
me smile more too. Is this what Elizabeth was talking about in her diary about
falling in love? Could I be falling in love? And if I am, is she falling in
love with me?
I was baffled, confused and pretty
sure I was falling in love with Gina. I never thought I would fall in love,
especially in a place like this.
I took Elizabeth’s diary out of its
hiding spot and flipped through the pages, to see if she wrote about falling in
love and how it felt. She wrote a passage or two about it in the beginning and
basically described the same feelings that I was experiencing.
I couldn’t wait ‘til after private
time was over.
“Alice,” I called out to her.
“Yes, Heather,” she answered me.
“Do you know what it’s like to fall
in love?”
I didn’t know Alice’s life before
she came here and she was relatively new here at the asylum (meaning she’s only
been here a year or so). So, I decided to ask her a question about her outside
life—before the asylum.
“I don’t know, Heather. I liked
this one boy that came to my house to work now and then. He always gave me
chills and butterflies when I’d see him.”
“Did he ever kiss you or hold your
hand?”
“He kissed me once. I was so scared
of kissing him wrong too. But he didn’t laugh at me. He told me that my lips
tasted sweet. That was because I was eating strawberries before he kissed me.”
“Alice!” I said, chastising her for
eating before kissing.
“What? So I had sweet kisses for
him.”
“What else happened or what else
did you feel?” I asked her.
We never cared about talking about
these things before because, we’re all girls. This was such a different case,
though. This was about two girls—in potential love.
“Why don’t you ask Eugenia if she’s
in love with you, Heather, instead of asking me about what I felt when I kissed
for the first time.”
“OH! I’m gonna get you, Alice,” I
said to her as I turned over and faced my barred window, away from her. I was
feeling all confused and I didn’t need Alice to talk to me with smart comments
.
“Heather, if she’s the one who
kissed you first and then you kissed her afterwards, I would pretty much
guarantee that she’s feeling something for you and that could possibly be
love.”
I smiled, but Alice didn’t see it.
I was glad because, I wanted whatever feelings I had to be mine and no one
else’s.
As soon as private time was over, I
was out of my room and running down the hall to Gina’s room. She was waiting
for me at the door. The first thing I did when I reached her was give her a
huge hug. She laughed and hugged me back. I wanted to kiss her, but I waited.
She grabbed my hand and we walked
up toward the hallway towards the dining room and waited for the nurses to let us
in so we could eat. Dinner was just as gross as breakfast and lunch and Gina
was totally grossed out by our slop.
“This is our food?” She asked.
“I warned you earlier,” I told her.
We grabbed our bowls and I showed
her to my favorite table. To my surprise, none of my friends joined us. I was
shocked but not shocked because Alice knew I wanted to talk to Gina privately.
Dinner went by so fast, and I was
so disappointed because now it was time for more group therapy. I wanted to
talk to all the girls and the doctor about Gina but, I knew better not to. This
was all new to me. Now, I was the one keeping secrets.
When group therapy was done for a
second time, Gina and I decided to go to the dining room and sit and talk. We
talked about everything, including us and how people, mainly the nurses and
some of the girls, looked at us. We were definitely in love.
We sat facing each other and held
hands.
“Gina?”
“Yes, Heather,” she replied.
“Have you ever been in love
before?”
“No, this is all new to me.”
“Me too,” I told her.
I couldn’t believe I was in love
with such a beautiful girl and that she was in love with me. It was the most
beautiful feeling in the world. I leaned forward to kiss, Gina. She accepted my
kiss and kissed me back. I felt her love for me in the way she held my hands
and the way she kissed me. Even though this was something new to us, we reveled
in it. I didn’t want these feelings to go away, ever! I wondered to myself if
all couples thought like this.
No one bothered us for the evening
until it was time for evening medicine checks. Gina got her medicine and I got
mine and we walked up the hallway, hand in hand. Her room was further down than
mine, so we skipped mine and walked to hers.
“I wish we were roommates,” Gina
commented. “Then we wouldn’t have to leave one another right now.”
“I know. This has been the best day
of my entire life; and it’s all because of you, Gina,” I told her.
We reached her doorway and said our
goodbyes. I saw a tear fall down her cheek. She really didn’t want Betsy to be
with her, but rules were rules and we had to go to our assigned rooms. I wiped
the tear from her face and hugged her.
“Good night, sweet, Gina,” I said
and gave her a small kiss on the lips.
“And a good night to you too,
sweet, Heather,” she said to me and kissed me on my lips. I put my hand up to
my lips and held it there as if holding her kiss there permanently. I was sad
that I had to leave her on her first night here in the asylum. I was thankful
that the insane girls were pretty quiet at night and were mostly disrupted
during the day. I didn’t want Gina to get scared by all the noises they would
make. Hopefully, she would fall asleep fast. I hoped for the same, for myself.
I lay in bed for what seemed like
hours (though, I’m pretty sure it was just minutes). I heard the nurses going
into each room and doing bed checks. That meant it was close to midnight. I
could hear footsteps approach and I pretended to be sound asleep. The door
opened just enough to let the light from the hallway light the room and show
that both Alice and I were in our beds sleeping. Without a word, the door went
shut again and the footsteps went further down the hall to the next room.
My eyes shot open. I was never
going to get any sleep. I was too hyper and happy. I really wanted to sneak
down to Gina’s room and sleep with her until morning bed checks. This was my
plan and I was definitely going to go through with it. I just hoped that Gina
would be awake too.
I told Gina that I liked to sneak
around the asylum at night when the nurses take their little snoozes around
3:00 a.m. It’s like clockwork for them. There’s nothing for them to do so, they
take a nap. We girls sometimes have secret meetings in the dining room during this
time. We had one several nights ago when Elizabeth committed suicide and her roommate;
Nicole gave me her diary to read to everyone. That’s how we found out about
Elizabeth’s biggest secret. She was in love with an orderly here at the asylum.
But he was married and she couldn’t handle the truth; so, she committed suicide
by hanging herself in her room with a bed sheet tied to a pipe directly above
her bed. Robert, the orderly she was in love with, had to cut her down and
clean her the next morning when he found her. Talk about punishment.
I listened for footsteps and didn’t
hear any, so I got out of bed and went towards the door. Carefully, I opened
it, just a bit, and peeked out into the hallway. Clear. Bed checks were over. I
opened the door a little more and stuck my head out into the hallway and looked
towards the nurses’ station. No one was standing on the opposite side of the
desk so I was free to take my chance and go to Gina’s room.
Quickly and quietly I tip-toed down
the hall to her room and opened the door and went in.
“Gina!” I whispered as I slightly
shut the door behind me.
“Heather?” Gina asked and sat up in
her bed.
I walked over to her mattress on
the floor and sat down. Gina pulled the sheet down and patted for me to lie
beside her—so, I did.
“What are you doing here? Aren’t
you afraid you’ll get caught?” Gina asked quietly.
“Nah, I’ll be okay. No one is gonna
know other than Alice and Betsy. And they know better than to tell.”
Gina smiled but, I could barely see
it. “I couldn’t stand the thought of you sleeping by yourself in this place.
So, here I am!”
Gina gave me a huge hug, then
pulled me down to her and kissed me. We got comfortable, given the conditions,
and held each other and cuddled. She ran her fingers through my curly red hair.
I twirled a large strand of her hair through my fingers making a little ringlet
that stayed that way for only a few seconds. We were literally putting one
another to sleep.
“I’m so glad you came here, Gina.
I’ve never felt this before and I never want it to go away. I will do
everything in my power to stay with you, forever!”
“I’m glad my mother admitted me
here and I met you. These feelings I’m experiencing are unbelievably fantastic.
I feel like I’ve loved you all my life!
“Me too! Isn’t that the strangest
thing?” I asked.
“Yes, it is quite queer,” Gina
replied. “But, I don’t want it to end! It’s you and me always, right?”
“Always and forever!” I leaned in
and kissed her, but this time I did it slowly. I wanted to savor this moment.
She obviously wanted to savor it too because she was kissing me slowly. A rich,
young insane woman and a homeless, young insane woman—what a pair!
We stopped kissing and just held
each other in silence.
“I’m tired, Heather. Don’t leave me
until it’s time. Make sure you wake me and let me know you’re leaving.”
“I promise, love. Now let’s get
some sleep. Tomorrow’s another day in this hell hole.”
“Good night, Heather. I love you!”
“Good night, Gina. I love you too!”
I gave her a quick kiss on the lips and snuggled into her more. She smelled
wonderful. Her expensive perfumes and oils wouldn’t have been packed with her
things for this place and she would soon smell like a sterile institution.
I closed my eyes and drifted off to
sleep. For once, my dreams were actually pleasant. Gina was in them and we were
free of this place and out on our own and living a wonderful happy life.
Finally the dreams ended and I just slept peacefully in the arms of my new found
love.
Around 5:00 a.m., I woke and gently
woke Gina. “Hey, sweetheart, I have to go back to my room. They’ll be doing bed
checks in an hour.”
“Hmmm?” She moaned. “Oh, okay. I
love you! See you when we wake and get ready for the day.”
I kissed her forehead and she
grabbed my hand and brought it to her lips. “I love you too, Gina! Get some
more rest.”
Gina let go of my hand and I
quickly went to the door to see if the coast was clear. The hallway was quiet
and empty. Thank goodness that Victoria or one of the other insane inmates
didn’t wake up in the middle of the night. That would have ruined everything. I
quickly went back to my room and plopped onto my mattress. It was so weird—but,
I was already missing Gina. I hadn’t slept so well in so long and Gina had made
that possible. Sleeping with her and cuddling with her had relaxed me so much
that I slept the best night of sleep ever since being here at the asylum. I
guess this was going to become a habit now—sleeping with Gina. I sighed. I was
really falling hard for her.
I pulled my sheet up and curled up
with it and wrapped it around my body. Thank goodness it was still summer. The
sheet was plenty cover for now. I laid there and tried to fall back to sleep.
Soon, the new day would begin. And I knew that because of our public display of
affection for each other, the doctor will want to know about it and how deeply
I’m in love. I’m here to tell you, if he touches her or moves her or touches me
or moves me, there will be hell to pay! With this thought in my heart, I felt
my eyelids start to flutter like the butterflies that Gina gave me when she
kissed me.
I soon fell fast asleep and didn’t
wake up again until it was time to get washed for breakfast.
Copyright © 2012 Karen Elizabeth Waters
Edited by ZyWa
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